Whiskey Lullaby
by blackbeltchic
Summary: Songfic: Set after Season Six, Willow never comes back to Sunnydale, and Xander realizes that you don't know how much you love someone, until they're gone...


Title: Whiskey Lullaby  
  
Author: blackbeltchic  
  
Posted: June 8, 2004  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the song. The song is Whiskey Lullaby, by Allison Kraus and Brad Paisley. The first part is a reinterpretation of the final episode of the sixth season, Grave. The script was found at Buffyworld.com, and I thank them once again for their help with scripts.  
  
Author's notes: this is for all of those Willow/Xander fans out there. This is set as if season seven never happened. I am sorry for the outcome.  
  
Warning: Character deaths, as well as huge spoilers to as how season six ends. Once more, I would like to express my regrets for the way this went. I heard the song once, and this came pouring out. Also, the song didn't fit as well as I originally had it, so it's a bit out of order, yet still makes sense, I hope...  
  
Willow pointed her hands towards the statue, and green magic flowed from them. Wind whirled around her, filling the air with dirt and debris. The statue glowed a bright yellow white.  
  
Suddenly, the stream of magic was interrupted as Xander appeared in front of the statue. Willow looked at him, surprised  
  
"Hey, black-eyed girl. Whatcha doin'?" he asked.  
  
"Get out of here," she growled at him.  
  
"Ah, no. You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped- up uber-witch, but ... this carpenter can dry wall you into the next century," he joked.  
  
"I'm not joking, Xander. Get out of my way. Now." She sent a bolt of magic at Xander. It lifted him off his feet and threw him to the ground at the statue's base.  
  
Then the green magic started to flow again, towards the statue once more. The earth rumbles, the wind starts swirling once more, blowing her black hair.  
  
Xander sat up at the base of the statue, holding his ribs. He pulled himself to his feet and stepped in front of the magic, stopping its flow. Willow glared at him.  
  
"You can't stop this," she told him.  
  
"Yeah, I get that. It's just, where else am I gonna go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end ... where else would I want to be?" he asked her.  
  
"Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me?"  
  
"Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but ... it seemed kinda cartoony," he joked.  
  
"Still making jokes," Willow said scornfully.  
  
"I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically," he glanced back at the statue, "evil and stupid, and hey. I still want to hang. You're Willow."  
  
"Don't call me that," she cried, angry.  
  
"First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that."  
  
"You think I won't?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. I'll still love you."  
  
"Shut up!" she said angrily, gesturing with her hand, making Xander's head jerk back as if he was hit. Three parallel cuts appear on his check, bloody scratches. He touched them, and then looked at the blood on his fingers. Willow watched him, nervous. Xander looked back at her.  
  
"I love you," he told her again.  
  
She made another slashing gesture, and Xander doubled over and fell to his knees. Panting, he pulled himself up, clutching his chest, where his shirt is ripped, and more scratches bled over his heart. He grimaced in pain, but faced Willow proudly.  
  
"I ... love y-" he panted.  
  
"Shut up!!" Willow screamed. She threw a blast of magic at him, and he staggered backwards, but he kept his balance. She held her hand out, and a bit of magic crackled around it, but not as much as she wanted, not as much as there had first been. She looked at it, surprised and anxious. Xander started moving towards her.  
  
"I love you, Willow," he said again.  
  
"Stop!" she screamed. She sent another magic blast at him, but she was loosing her concentration, her anger, and it barely hurt him. He continued to walk towards her. She held her hands out away from her, trying to throw more magic at him, but nothing happened. Slowly, tears came to her eyes.  
  
"I love you," he said slowly.  
  
"Stop," she started to cry as Xander reached her, and she started to pound his chest with her fists. "No, no, no!" He stood there, taking her anger. After a moment he stopped and the tears started coming in earnest, and she couldn't stop them, couldn't fight them. She fell to her knees, and Xander kneeled down beside her, putting his arms around her and holding her as she sobbed.  
  
"I love you," he said once more as he held her in his arms. As she continued to cry, the veins faded from her face and her hair bled back to its red color.  
  
"Why won't she come back?" he asked.  
  
"Maybe she's not ready. I know it hurts. It's not until you've lost someone do you really know how much you love them," she said, speaking from experience.  
  
"What if she can't face us?"  
  
"She'll come back, Xan. We're her family."  
  
"Yeah," he gave her a wan smile, "we're her family."  
  
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette  
  
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget  
  
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time  
  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind  
  
Until the night  
  
"Xander? Are you ready yet? We're going shopping for Buffy's 29th birthday today, remember?! Xander?" She wandered through the apartment, knocking on the bathroom and then the bedroom door.  
  
"Oh, GOD! NO!" she breathed, tears blurring everything. She tripped and scrambled towards the phone.  
  
"B-Buffy. It's-it's Dawn. I-I'm at Xand's. You better get over here..." she cried once her sister picked up the phone.  
  
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
  
And finally drank away her memory  
  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
  
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees  
  
We found him with his face down in the pillow  
  
With a note that said I'll love her till I die  
  
And when we buried him beneath the willow  
  
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby  
  
"Willow, it's time. You've learned all you can here."  
  
"No! Not yet! Just a little while longer..."  
  
"They miss you, just as much as you miss them."  
  
"I can't face them, Giles. Not yet."  
  
"You have to get over your fears. They don't hate you."  
  
"I-Everything's so confusing. Not yet, please."  
  
He sighed, "I won't force you, but the longer you wait, the harder it'll be," he warned.  
  
"I know. I know," she nodded sadly.  
  
The rumors flew but nobody knew  
  
How much she blamed herself  
  
For years and years she tried to hide  
  
The whiskey on her breath  
  
She finally drank her pain away  
  
A little at a time  
  
But she never could get drunk enough  
  
To get him off her mind  
  
Until the night  
  
"Willow? Are you here?" he knocked on her dorm door. "I found some texts I thought you might find interesting. I'll, ah, just leave them on the table, ok?" he placed the ancient tomes on the desk, "Willow?" he knocked on her bedroom door, worried about her lack of an answer, before entering.  
  
"Dear God." His glasses dropped from his hands. "Why? You had so much potential. Why?" Tears began flowing gently down his cheeks.  
  
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger  
  
And finally drank away his memory  
  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
  
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees  
  
We found her with her face down in the pillow  
  
Clinging to his picture for dear life  
  
We laid her next to him beneath the willow  
  
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby  
  
"Are you sure this is what they'd want?" Dawn asked as the three of them stood by the Willow tree.  
  
"Yeah. They were life long friends. And they each carried a hidden torch for the other. This is what they'd want."  
  
"I-I just can't believe they're gone. A-And by their own hand?" she shook her head, as tears came again. He put an arm around his slayer and her sister, "It's a shame. So much potential, so much life, lost due to moments of weakness." 


End file.
